Spiders

The general spiders meeting is being held in my house tonight, this is the most important one of the year as it's where they decide which rooms they wish to inhabit for the next few months and who they want to scare in the middle of the night.
Unfortunately two of them have encountered problems, and can't attend due to the fact that one is stuck in the bathtub and isn't getting far and the other is stuck in the sink. Although the one in the sink is trying to escape, it only thinks to do so when the water is running and so more often than not it ends up having to run round the sink in a demented way to escape from the drain (even though it is almost too big to actually fit down the drain)
One spider which was making his way to the conference came upon unexpected problems when crossing a room as he was caught in a spider-catcher and removed from the premises, he expects to be back in the house within a few days though. He was very co-operative when he was asked to leave, as rather than running away he opted to stay still and then climb into the spider-catcher, although he may have thought that this was the transport being provided to him rather than anything else.
Apart from these unavailable spiders the meeting was a success and the general consensus was that my bedroom should be the place where they will hide for the rest of the year, with some opting for the more old fashioned approach of lurking in dark corners before jumping out and running straight towards their intended victim. Although some spiders find that this works even better if they only move and run at the person when they (the person that is, not the spiders although they have been working on a campaign to be able to work light switches) turn the lights on.
The spiders also decided that in the long run a more spaced out campaign is worthwhile this year, since they have all been working out and are now much faster and bigger than they have been in previous years. They also wish to wage a campaign over the spider-catcher and have already begun the process by intentionally becoming larger than it and also using the tried and tested method of reaching out as far as possible, before clinging onto the rim of the device so that they cannot be properly caught. This works best if the person wielding the catcher is phobic, although it does cause some annoyance for others.
Within the meeting one spider did raise the matter of the brother who, more often than not, would kill whatever spider he found rather than releasing them back outside. To combat this problem they have decided to ignore that particular room within the house, even though this would mean that they were losing out on prime real-estate. But to make up for this dramatic loss in housing they were looking into branching out further into other bedrooms, and possibly resuming the habit of crawling round the top of the room during the middle of the night. Some spiders did suggest the idea of returning to the 'good old days' when they were often found crawling across the actual bed, but on the whole this idea was knocked back, simply because the bed no longer consisted of a mattress on the floor. Although this does not prevent certain spiders from pursuing this course of action, especially if they have been removed from the house in the spider-catcher and have had to suffer the cold outdoors for a few days.
As a final note to their meeting before they dispersed throughout the house, the spiders wished to thank certain members of the public who have made their lives slightly easier, mainly the builders who put in air vents into the roof, allowing them fresh access into this previously unexplored area. As we speak certain intrepid explorers are already investigating and mapping the area to see what is available to them, although there has been some problems with the natives but hopefully the acts of cannibalism will stop once a common language has been found. The second member of the public that the spiders must thank is the man who fixed the front doorstep of the house, as this makes walking into the front of the house much easier, as they no longer have to contend with the gaping hole that existed. Although they are sorry about the loss of jobs that this fix has meant and are hoping that soon these highly skilled workers will get new employment, especially if the plans for a bridge back into the house through the front window comes to fruition.
The spiders have now dispersed (except for those in the bathroom, they have been forced to wait until they are removed and released back outside) to their new homes and are settling in well, and are looking forward to spending the coming months scaring the living daylights out of certain people.

The Hippo had arrived!

A few weeks ago I requested a copy of a strip from one of my favourite web comics and it arrived today. You can see the comic at Bunny and when I first saw it and then heard about the ability to get copies of it I knew that I had to get it. And for one reason only, as it ties into the long running joke in my house about Hippos living in the airing cupboard. And in my house this is true, there is a hippo in the cupboard and in a fit of boredom I even worked out why he was there. You see the hippo protects the towels from being stolen by owls who want them so they can dry themselves off after they've had their baths!
The thing with me and my family is that we do have this ability to act very childlike at times, to the extent of having fights with soft toys late at night, and discussing the merits of using Bonobos for world domination ( there are other theories as to how to achieve this, my personal favourite includes the use of elephants and zebras!). This is really refreshing as there isn't this need to be serious and adult all the time, and I think that everyone in this world should occasionally let their inner child out to play for a while, as long as it is appropriate, I mean acting childlike in the middle of a serious business meeting isn't probably the best thing to do, although it might make things more interesting!

If you want me to be comfortable with you give me new socks!

My parents have now found a way to get me over my social phobia, they have decided to award me treats. So whenever I meet a new person I get new socks and therefore begin to associate new people with nice things and so get over my problems! OK so I know that they were joking but the image of someone standing there holding, brand new, socks out to me as a bribe to talk to them just really tickles me.
I suppose I should explain where this came from, we were watching a programme called "Dog Borstal" on TV tonight and on it was this Great Dane that was more or less socially phobic. It was so bad that whenever he went out he had to take his cuddly toy elephant with him! So to get him over this anxiety they got people that he didn't know to give him treats so he became accustomed to the fact that not everyone was scary.
But there was something so amusing about seeing this large dog carrying around a soft toy for comfort, and to be honest I do that as well. I have this bear puppet which I have had since I was four (wow, he's nearly 21!) who is my comforter and I must admit that when I was going out in the car he used to come with me so I would feel better. And when I start going out again he's coming with me, even though a lot of his fur is gone and he's had to be stitched up and his eye has had to be glued back in a number of times. But it's all just signs that he has been well loved, apart from his eye, which only fell out because I used him as a weapon against my brother!

Stuff and things

So I am in a bit of a better mood today, but I think that's mainly to do with the wonderful things that came in the post today. A bit of retail therapy ( even if it is online) can make you feel better, as long as you have the money to spare.
But I am a bit weird in that way, I get totally overexcited when things come in the post, doesn't matter what it is, I just feel happy getting something.
Anyway, the best thing that came today was the wonderful black and white stripy jumper. The thing is that I have always wanted one, but could never find one that I liked and now I have. So I will have to get out and about just so that I can show off my new jumper!

Help.

I know I shouldn't constantly write things here which show how little progress I make, but please forgive me as I need to get these feelings out of my head and into the real world.

I just feel so worthless and useless tonight, all I want to do is curl up and sleep but every time I close my eyes all these thoughts keep coming about times when I acted stupid or said something that offended others and they just won't go away.

I just want someone to give me a hug and listen to me, without judging me, just listen. But there isn't anyone who will do that for me anymore. I have lost every friend I have ever made and I doubt that I will ever make any new ones. Especially when I'm too frightened to even talk to people in a forum never mind real life.

And to top it off I just feel so stupid, I lurk in the forum for my next course and everyone seems so intelligent and so sure of what they mean in terms of the set books and I'm just sitting there like a lump not knowing or understanding what they are talking about. I want to do this course so that I Can prove to myself that I can get a Degree and yet I'm so scared that I will fail and not be able to achieve that, and if I don't then my whole family will see me as a failure as they have all achieved degrees of some sort, and they all seem so sure that I am able to do it. But I just don't understand where that knowledge comes from.

I am a stupid needy person. I need constant reassurance that what I am doing is right and I get so worked up when I don't know everything that is needed. For example in the last course you had to send in three copies of your final piece, now what really got to me was the fact that I wasn't told how to attach the sheets together, and it really bothered me and still does, and I feel stupid asking the question, and when I did ask my tutor they didn't know either and just told me that unless the notes said something it was unimportant. But what if i have done it wrong? What if I missed something and they won't accept it? I know these are stupid worries and I try to get them out of my head, but they just keep coming back again and again. And with this comes the stress which makes me feel angry and depressed and often leads to IBS ( can't think of the proper name for it). So I tend to spend my days feeling rotten and not wanting to do anything, never mind think about how to gt myself out of this stupid hole that I've put myself into.

And I also feel so guilty for moaning about my problems when most people in this world have it so much harder than me and yet they still manage to cope with the world, but I can't. It just scares me and I always end up feeling as if I am watching the world through a plate of glass which I cannot break through.

Sorry for going on, and to be honest I now feel even worse than I did before I started writing, but never mind. It's just that normal service has resumed in my own little world.

I'm Back!

Obviously I just can't keep away!
Been doing really good, mainly because I just got the best mark ever for a TMA and I'm really excited about it. And I finally got a proper night's sleep rather than sleeping through the day I actually managed to sleep through the night.
By the way at the bottom of the page I have a daemon, it doesn't seem to have a picture but I am apparently a cat, which is cool, as it does reflect who I am.

Update,
So I removed the thing from the bottom of the page as it wasn't working right, typical!
You can find out what your daemon is at the Golden Compass Movie site. And thank you to whoever it was on the A215 survivors conference who posted this.

I think this may be my last post for a while. I just don't see the point of doing this anymore. What I am writing has no real interest for me and I don't have the motivation to do anything at the moment. Things just go in one ear and out the other, I'm trying to get ahead in my course so that I have the breathing space needed to actually understand the information I'm taking in and yet I do enjoy the actual process of studying in fact I'm really happy sitting there with the books piled up around me and writing notes on what I have read, the problem is that I just can't take the information in.
Anyway that's not important, but I think I may take a few days/weeks off from doing this and just try and sort out my head or just ignore it all and continue in my normal frame of mind. I'll just have to wait and see.
So I may be back sometime soon, but don't count on it.