Off to a slow start

So I had decided today would be the day that I started to implement some of my targets and to be fair I did go out and walk about 100 yards which may not seem much but it is probably the furthest I have walked in months, so I a least managed that.
On the downside my sleep pattern seems to have gotten even more out of sync as i stayed up all night and only actually succumbed to sleep at 2PM so by my reckoning I managed to stay awake for 23 hours! Although this may end up being a good thing as I am so tired right now that I will probably go to bed early and therefore wake up early so at least it sort of kick starts the whole process of re-aligning my sleep pattern.
Another plus point to today was the fact that I conquered my fear of talking to Doctors and managed to phone my GP and ask them about the pain I have been having in my back for the last three weeks. It turns out that all I have to do is take painkillers and wait as it seems to be sciatica , but the problem with this is that I hate taking medication as I get really frightened and paranoid about what it might do to me. There is a rational part of my brain that is simply saying "don't be stupid, it won't hurt you." but the irrational side of my brain just freaks out and so I struggle. But since the pain is quite bad I know that I will have to take the drugs and so that is another challenge for me to overcome. As if I don't my back won't improve and that will then rebound on my plans to walk everyday (since it is painful when I walk any distance)
I guess the thing is that I don't fully realise what all my anxieties are and as I try to improve things in my life I just keep coming up against more of them and have to deal with them as well. In fact I only realised the extent of my problems when I actually sat down and wrote a list of everything that I have problems with or worry about.
On top of my pain and the need to fix my life and get out, I am also getting stressed with the Open University course that I am doing at the moment as it just seems to prey on my basic thoughts that I am useless. The thing is that I just don't seem to be able to deal well with what the course is asking me to do and therefore I get middling to bad marks which just makes me feel useless. And I do know that I can't be perfect at everything in this world, but I think it's just the fact that what I think is good doesn't seem to match with the criteria of the course and my biggest fear is of failing it as it is a creative writing course and to fail that just makes me feel that I have no imagination. But then again I do think there is a part of me that just craves perfection in everything that I do, and if I can't do something quickly I just end up giving up and walking away even though if I carried on I may be successful.
Anyway, I think that's enough from me today, a woozy state seems to be good in that I feel able to write things that I may not otherwise admit to. But tomorrow is another day and I will go for another walk, even if it's raining and maybe I will actually contact the counsellor and see if they will take me on as a patient.