Weird

The past few weeks really haven't been that brilliant for me. First I felt rotten which then led me to not eat properly as I was frightened that whatever I ate would make me feel worse. Then i stopped sleeping properly, in fact it has almost become impossible for me to sleep at night so I sleep through the day and then wake up at random points feeling really confused and dazed and my brain just doesn't want to work properly. Add to that the fact that every time I fall asleep I have the weirdest dreams, they often leave me feeling unsettled simply because they are so vivid, well apart from the one that I had earlier on which actually left me feeling happy and relaxed simply because it was a pleasant dream.
I suppose to be honest these last few weeks have been hard on me, as I just feel so scared a lot of the time for no real reason. I'd almost say that I was becoming depressed again, simply because it is that feeling of emptiness and isolation that has re-appeared, plus the fact that I am self-harming again and although I know that isn't a good thing for a few minutes it makes me feel better and stable again. But it really solves nothing and in the end all that happens is that the backs of my hands become nothing but scar tissue, although there isn't any change in the colour or actual visible evidence of the scars the skin is different in texture. But they and the scars on my hands are part of who I am and although sometimes I hate the fact that I have them I also know that at times they act as a reminder that I have been through tough times and survived and that in all probability I will survive again.